Saturday, 31 December 2011

Goodbye 2011, It Was Lovely To Meet You

I have to say that 2011 and I have had the best of times. Not to say that we haven't had our moments, we have. At times we have seriously fallen out, but those times, if I'm honest were due to the fact that I didn't like what 2011 was trying to teach me and I blatantly tried to swim against the flow and failed, returning humbly to listen once again. But all in all it's been great ...

I have truly kicked up my heels this year. I have danced under the moonlight, in the blazing sun, around a roaring fire, with friends, alone, to the sound of drums, in the solitude of silence, barefoot and in high heels. I have discovered BioDanza and contact dance, I have joined in with ecstatic dance, 5-rythyms and tribal belly dance. I have journeyed to the Otherworld whilst dancing and reconnected with my ancient heritage. But most of all I have deepened my connection to the Goddess through dance. I've let the dance of life in more and more, allowing the energy of the pulsing Earth Mother drive the beat through my body and Sister Moon drive the rhythms of my cycles and seasons. Thank you for the gift of dance.

I have eaten gloriously this year. I have potlucked, cooked one pot and many pots, food shared in community, eaten indulgently alone at cafes and most of all tried lots of new things. I have received the most wonderful allotment offerings and kitchen experiments from dear friends. I have swapped raw goodies and chocolate triumphs. I have discovered more of what my body does not like and paid the price when I ignore the glaring evidence. I am so inspired right now to continue my journey into radiant health through more raw, more juicing, more green smoothies and more superfood feasting. Thank you for the gift of food.

I have found new depth to my voice this year. I have chanted in heart warming circles of love and devotion. I have repeated my mantras in solitude, finding places of peace and bliss within and without. I have sung with friends at kirtan and around the open fire. It has been a joyous journey that has brought me more confidence, open hearted connection with others and new ways of self expression. Thank you for the gift of voice.

I have been to many gatherings, festivals and workshops this year and witnessed the growing heart of humanity. I've seen the new ways people are caring for our planet and been inspired by their ingenuity. I have breathed in so many sights and smells. I've heard so much music and and so many wonderful sounds. I have walked bare foot in woodland, through the grass, over heath and even bog loving the earth and being loved back. I have created many sacred spaces for others to enjoy and enjoyed those that others have created. I've learned more than I can say from the wisest of teachers and the dearest of friends. Thank you for all these gifts.

I've had many lessons this year. Some painful and some glorious. I've grown in ways I never dreamed possible and I've let go of baggage I never knew I was carrying. I've experienced the incredible synchronicity of life in comic proportions and learned to accept that the flow is bigger than me. I've laid on the back of a sleeping dragon, fought a Minotaur in a labyrinth, slayed a few personal demons, talked to tree spirits and had fairies sit on my finger tips and touch my cheeks. I've visited many sacred buildings, places and stone circles, where the energy is tangible and the Otherworld is but a step away. I've found courage when I needed it the most and faced a few more home truths and weaknesses head on. Thank you for all these things.

And last but not least at all, in fact the most important, because they are woven through the fabric of my life and all other gifts like a glittering, precious thread. My friends. Where to begin in extolling their virtues. They have loved me, hugged me, danced with me, fed me, believed in me, been mirrors for me in facing myself, been honest with me, put up with me at my worst, held me at my lowest ebb and shared the joy of my giddyest moments. They have shown me their divinity and their humanity. They have inspired me to be a better person by their own endeavours and taught me to be a better friend by their being so to me. I have been made welcome into the homes, arms and hearts of many new friends this year, and sadly parted from some, accepting the journey as it is and the separate paths we follow. I have enjoyed a growing Sisterhood this year and have many to call sisters, mothers and a few daughters and grandmothers too. Goddesses each and every one. But I have to say that one of the most amazing revelations this year for me has been the fabulous menfolk that have made their way into my life or upped the level of friendship. It has been the most healing experience for me to feel supported by these wise warriors on their own unique paths, my brothers, fathers and friends. I think it is indicative of how much forgiving and letting go of a life time of past experiences I've done these past few years that this has happened and my faith has been well and truly restored. I love these men so much. I love that these men support me on my path, honour the goddess, let me be the wild woman and do their part to welcome the return of the Divine Feminine. Thank you, thank you, thank you for my friends.

So 2011, it's been a blast, a rollercoaster, a ball. It's time to say goodbye now, I will look back fondly on our times, good and bad. Thank you for all that you have brought me, taught me and shown me, I am very grateful. Goodbye 2011, it was lovely to meet you.

The Dreadess xx

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

A Thought For The End Of This Year

I wrote this this morning ... it is terrible I know, but it did make me giggle

I woke up this morning
thinking that being in 3D
is so outdated
and so last century

In 2011
4D is right for today
Bring on 2012
and 5D is what I say

Live in Love,
Light and Illumination
Connect with every soul
in every single nation

The hows, the wheres, the why?
Just be in your heart
let the loving flow
It's the bestest ever place to start

The Dreadess xx

Thursday, 17 November 2011

Real Girl Power

Two articles got brought to my attention this week. The first was about the sexualisation of young girls. It is well worth a read.

In an age that has gone crazy with visualising a paedophile around every corner and telling our children they aren't safe to play out I can't quite believe that there are parents who think that high heels and red lipstick for littlies is okay. Sadly though I've seen it with my own eyes I can't tell you how uncomfortable it makes me. In my mind it verges on the criminal. On the one hand we are paranoid that someone might kidnap our young children for perverted pleasures long before the age of consent and on the other hand we think it's okay to dress them up like women over the age of consent or worse like little hookers. As a society we are giving girls such wrong and mixed messages about how to be. Girl power is not about flaunting sexuality but something so much deeper. Sure it's about owning it and knowing it, but not this. Owning and knowing your sexuality is not the same as needing to be sexy to be accepted and desirable. Stop brainwashing girls from a very young age that looking like this is the only way to go in this world.

We should be teaching our young teenage girls about their bodies and hormonal cycles, how to be naturally healthy via nutrition and exercise and how to have liberated but safe sex. We should be empowering them to own their sexuality not give it away. We should give them a loving world that accepts different body shapes and sizes, one that encourages them to find their own unique look and walk forward as confident young women. We should not be grooming them from tiny to be sexually acceptable objects.

The other article that go me thinking was about the HPV vaccine. Every time I hear or read something like this it deeply saddens me. I wish people would wake up to the fact that whilst there are thousands of people in this world dedicated to saving lives with their research, there are also hundreds of pharmaceutical companies just seeing pound and dollar signs before their eyes rubbing their hands in glee. Greed under the guise of saving lives is despicable. Young developing bodies need extra care and nutrition, not to be hit with vaccines that have not been properly researched. Anyway the upshot is, regardless of your view of vaccinations, parents and young women should be given all the information so they can make the right choices for themselves individually about this, without being pressurized by Big Pharma.

The Dreadess xx

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Raw Soup

Today I had my first raw soup. A dear friend and I, both of us having dabbled in and out of our own raw food moments full of intent but not as long lasting as we had hoped, whipped up our first soup, together. Sweet potato, leeks, a hint of chilli and garlic, coconut milk and hot water ... blended up in a few minutes of high speed whizzing and ta da ... there it was. Quick, delicious, creamy, smooth and warm.

I feel I may have turned a corner in this raw food journey. I've been doing it haphazardly, in fits and starts, that's how I am with stuff. When I eat more raw I feel healthier, lighter and have more energy, when I don't eat raw I crave everything I shouldn't, my body is lethargic and my joints hurt. Even though I know what's so good for me it's seems to take a wee while for me to overcome the resistance, but slowly and surely I'm beginning to see how it will come together for me. I'm already wondering how I can turn some of my favourites into raw winter warmers. Carrot and coriander or tomato and basil will have to be next on my list I think.

I'm not going to make a big deal of it, but just slip more and more raw into my daily diet. That's the way I do it with everything. Going all out doesn't last with me. Tried that before with so many things, including eating raw. It has to be gradual and permanent change, otherwise I hit barriers of resistance within my self. I have to bypass my inner saboteur. I already eat half a plate of salad with every meal, eat tonnes of raw chocolate, have my green smoothies several times a week and attempt to make my energy balls and cookies, so bring on the raw soup I say.

Heidi xx

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

The Myth of the Perfect Vagina

Up until a few years ago I never realised women were being conditioned to chop and sew the most intimate part of their bodies in an attempt to be "normal" looking ... yet another way to stop the rise of the Divine Feminine to equal power with the Masculine. Here is a new documentary exploring just this ... the Myth of the Perfect Vagina

Enough is enough already ... we're all different and all incredibly beautiful as we are. How dare you tell me how my body, one I might add that has produced two human beings, is supposed to look. Yes my body is now a little scarred with in and with out just because I've lived and survived like every other woman on this planet. What scares me the most is that I don't think most men are down there judging!!

Where is the sisterhood supporting and holding each other, telling every sister, daughter, mother, grandmother and lover, that you are plenty good enough and beautiful and sexy to boot? This makes me so mad I feel I want to share a poem I wrote more than a year ago but have so far never shared. I wish every women on this planet could fall in love with their bodies. I'm not saying I don't have my moments of wishing a few bits (okay several bits) were less wobbly, but honestly my moments of wishing these things are always driven by a desire to feel healthier.

The Bath

I look and I like
The whiteness underneath water
The curves breaking at the surface
My thighs and my roundness
Pink nipples firm and plump
Unlike the breasts they adorn
But I still tempt me
I still like what I see
And ...

I touch and I like
The softness underneath the water
Gentle hands across the surface
Examining the roundness
And the white silver scars
Of love and hate and survival
But I still tempt me
I still like what I feel
And ...

I remember and I like
Here grew my son and my daughter
Here got lost in soft all my lovers
These feet have danced so many nights
These worn hands which have aged
From work and play and creating
But I still tempt me
I still like what I remember
And ...

I fall in love with this body
These legs, these hands, these arms
This belly, these stretch marks, these lines
These curves, these breasts, these thighs
These feet, these knees, this beating heart
This wise and lovely lived in skin
It still tempts me
It is a woman’s body
Perfect ...

The Dreadess xx

Sunday, 6 November 2011


My morning cup of tea often brings with it a little drop of wisdom. Today my Yogi tea bag tag said "Let's learn to rejoice more often."

We know that to rejoice means to take delight (in) or to be glad, but I pondered upon the prefix. Re-joy-ce. It would indicate something we should do again or perhaps we just have to go back that to wonderful thing we have some how forgotten that we are. We are inherently joyful beings that forget to be just that. Joyful. Let us be filled, like birds with song, with joy, glad to be alive. Let us rejoice. Let us remember our true happy selves.

The Dreadess xx

Friday, 4 November 2011

Thank Goddess it's Freya's Day

I woke up this morning thinking "it's Friday, Freya's day" ... then got to wondering, like you do, how many people are even really aware that their days and months are named to honour the gods, the sun, the moon and the planets. Then I wondered some more ... in times gone by when the Sun and the Moon were all important to the growth of food, times to sow and to harvest, times to store up and times to feast people were so aware of the natural world, their environment and the changing seasons. Nowadays food is under the rather powerful domain of the multi conglomerate, everything is chopped up, processed and packeted, in season, out of season, grown locally and shipped from all over. It's a "have what you like, when you like with no regard to the whys, when or hows it got there" smorgasbord of choice with complete disconnection to the earth, the sun, the water, the soil, the people it come from. It makes us feel as though our technology has the power to give us everything. How often are we really aware that we rely on the Sun, the Earth and the Water to feed us? That we are totally and utterly dependant on them ... not our bank accounts, not the local supermarket, not the worldwide web and not the superpowers. How did we become so alienated from real living? When did everything else rise in importance and meaning like skyscrapers so far above the fruitful earth? It's seems that humanity is trying so very hard to deny its roots and out grow a mother, who unfortunately we are still so very dependant on. And just like a rebellious teenager we are disrespectful and hateful and forgetful. But how long before she takes us down a peg or two reminding us of our place. Let's hope that, more lovingly than fiercely, she will teach us the lessons we need, but I fear we are pushing her patience to the limit. So thank you Freya, goddess of fertility and love, for reminding me of how small and dependant I am. Thank you Great Mother for nurturing me. I won't forget you in amongst a crazy world of plastic and internet and cars and planes and shoes and books and coffee shops and phones. I will come home so very often, without my troubles and my laundry, and love you with my bare feet and my heart. I will praise the indefatigable greenery, the flowing waters and the radiant sun.

The Dreadess xx

Monday, 19 September 2011

Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Let's Water Each Other With Love

So I was told recently that water is liquid love ... and as I was watering some tiny seeds this morning I pondered on the fact that within hours of being kissed by liquid love they burst in to life ... all the prana/chi stored within is activated, egging the little seed on to reach its highest potential. The new plant is most vibrant and full of energy between days 3 - 5 of the new relationship. If the new plant, that was happy to lie as a dormant seed, now gets no water the plant dies and the seed is wasted along with all that could have been. Hmmm ... all sounds a bit familiar doesn't it ... so I'm blowing kisses of love to all of you hoping you reach your highest heights ... Love is the water of the seeds that lie within us and the key to human potential. I also began to ponder on the fact that water holds the memory of what's in it's current energy field (check out Dr. Masaru Emoto's wonderful work) ... it is programmed to give out what it recieves ... hmmm again like love ... the way we love others is often a direct result of the way we have been loved ourselves. To be able to love purely without condition we must be careful of what we allow to reach our own love sphere. Negative or conditional relationships that come under the label "love" are not true representations of that most highest quality the universe has to offer. It is okay to only accept loving that allows your loving to be the best it can be ... anything else is like allowing yourself to be watered daily with dirty water. Ugh ... not for me ... and not for you either. So what will you be ... a rose, a sunflower, an oak or some wonderous new variety never seen before. Give love with consciousness and awareness, recieve love with consciousness and awareness, water your plants with consciousness and awareness, drink water with consciousness and awareness, dance in the rain and paddle in the sea with consciousness and awareness. May we all grow together in love.

The Dreadess xx

Monday, 14 February 2011

Let's Have A Heart To Heart

I wanted to share with you some thoughts about our hearts and our heart centre. I thought it apt to write it on Valentine’s Day, the day of hearts and love.

Our physical hearts are incredible. The heart is a myogenic muscular organ which pumps our blood round our bodies with repeated, rhythmic contractions. It is formed from an involuntary striated muscle tissue found only in this organ, no where else, and connective tissue. The average human heart is about the size of a fist, beating at 72 beats per minute, will beat approximately 2.5 billion times during an average 66 year lifespan, and weighs approximately 250 to 300 grams (9 to 11 oz) in females and 300 to 350 grams (11 to 12 oz) in males. When our heart stops that’s it, times up for this lifetime. So look after it. Through good exercise and healthy eating we can keep our hearts strong and vital.

Throughout the ages our heart has been depicted as a seat of virtue and love, but, also you may think naively, as the seat of intelligence. Ancient culture such as Meopotamia, Egypt, Babylon and Greece all viewed the heart as the primary organ for not only directing and influencing our emotions but our decision making ability. In yogic philosophy the heart is the seat of individual consciousness and the centre of life. Chinese medicine has successfully had the heart as a bridge between body and mind for thousands of years. Modern science has always scorned these ideas but now the scientists are having to eat their words.

Recent discovery has shown that the heart has its own independent nervous system with some forty thousand neurons, the same as some sub cortical centres of the brain. The heart has or is a brain!! There is documented evidence to show that the heart communicates with the body in three ways. Neurologically, biochemically and biophysically. Scientific evidence is also beginning to show that there is a fourth way. This is energetically through the electromagnetic field or aura. Er hello ... catch up.

So our heart uses all these methods to send emotional and intuitive signals to our bodies. It is the intelligent force between thoughts and feelings. Brain thoughts seem to be linear and heart thoughts seem to radiate. Are you in touch with what your heart is thinking? Well how about connecting with your heart centre.

Our heart centre is found at the fifth thoracic vertebra opening out in the middle of our chests. The Sanskrit name for this chakra is Anahata which means ‘unstruck sound’, conveying the idea that it is here that we hear and feel the divine sound not made on the physical plane by two objects connecting in some way. The pure, unstruck or unbeaten sound of love. This chakra is the point of balance and harmony between our lower and higher chakras. It is here that we can centre ourselves and connect with something deeper. A healthy heart centre vibrates to the colour green, giving us strength and a balanced, joyful outlook on life. We can work with this centre to bring harmony and compassion to all we do. To bring the finer quality of unconditional love to this chakra we can also use a soft pink. It ushers in a higher dimension. It helps us in learning the lesson of this chakra which is to transcend the mind and connect with divine love.

This idea of transcending the mind and connecting with divine love is at the core of the word heartmind. It comes from the Buddhist word chitta, literally meaning the fusion of the heart with mind to create a feeling consciousness or thinking heart. There is a beautiful Sanskrit mantra that helps to develop our heartmind which I want to share with you. I have used for many years because it brings about such a sense of joy and peace. It is one of the most famous mantras and if ever there is some token monk chanting a mantra in the background in a film often it is this one.

Om Mani Padme Hum (om - mah – nee – pah d – may – hoom).

It means “the jewel of the consciousness is in the hearts lotus”. It is a useful tool in opening the compassionate heart. We can then infuse all our thoughts and actions with feeling for others. It is used to combine spiritual advancement with service to all living things.

I hope this has given you lots to think about. Go and live truly from the heart. You will find strength not weakness. You will find love instead of bitterness. You will find a joy to outshine the pain. You will find a deeper part of you which will anchor you in the worst of life storms. You will find a smile which is never far from your face.

The Dreadess xx

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

Breathing ... One Of Those Important Little Things!

We can survive on average, before brain cells start to die or the body begins to die, 3 minutes without oxygen, 3 days without water and 3 weeks without food.

Think about the things we do to keep ourselves healthy - we pay attention to our food and drink but we often forget the breath. Breath in the short term can have the most subtle affect on our health, but in the long term the effects are profound. Pay attention to your breath.

The average person - 25 % lungs with each breath! Some much less even. Swami Gitananda maintained that people today use less than one-tenth of their breathing capacity! If we breathe into only 25% (or even less) of our lungs’ capacity with each breath, then we are breathing in only a quarter the potential life-giving, live-sustaining, vital energy each and every moment.

If we look into the various breathing patterns of creatures in nature, we see some interesting parallels between breath and behavioural characteristics. For instance, those creatures that are easily excitable (quick to jump, or edgy) breathe with higher rapidity. A mouse takes 50 breaths per minute and a monkey, a cat and chicken all around 30. The horse takes 16 breaths, an elephant 10, and the most immovable of all creatures, the tortoise a mere 3 breaths per minute! When we consider longevity, the maximum lifespan of a mouse is but a meagre 3 to 4 years compared to the elephant which lives on average for 70 years. The lifespan of a tortoise is 193 years!

A healthy person breathes on average 21,600 times per day - 15 breaths per minute.

That number can vary from anywhere between 11 or 12, up to a distressing 20–24 breaths per minute in the most unhealthy of individuals. How about you?…

Exercise 1 – How many breaths per minute Get yourself a stopwatch or get someone to time you for sixty seconds. Breath normally as you would, don't try to deepen or lengthen your breath as in meditation. Count your breaths for one minute. How did you do?

"Evolved human beings have a very calm breath. Normally you breathe fifteen times a minute. If you breathe ten times a minute you’ll be very energetic. If you breathe five times a minute you’ll be very intelligent. If you can breathe one time a minute you will become invincible. The power of breath should be under your own control." Yogi Bhajan

Our breathing is too shallow and too quick. We are not taking in sufficient oxygen and we are not eliminating sufficient carbon dioxide. As a result, our bodies are oxygen starved, and a toxic build-up occurs. Every cell in the body requires oxygen and our level of vitality is just a product of the health of all the cells. Shallow breathing does not exercise the lungs enough, so they lose some of their function, causing a further reduction in vitality. We need to breathe more slowly and deeply. Quick shallow breathing results in oxygen starvation which leads to reduced vitality, premature ageing, poor immune system and a myriad of other factors.

Why Is Our Breath Fast and Shallow?

There are several reasons for this. The major reasons are:

1.Hurrying - Our movements and breathing follow this pattern.
2.Stress - modern living makes us breathe more quickly and less deeply.
3.Emotions - We get too emotional too easily. We get excited easily, angry easily, and most of the rest of the time we suffer from anxiety due to worry. These negative emotional states affect the rate of breathing, causing it to be fast and shallow.
4.No need - Modern technology and automation reduces our need for physical activity. There is less need to breathe deeply, so we develop the shallow breathing habit.
5.Pollution - We are working indoors more and more. This increases our exposure to pollution. As a result, the body instinctively inhales less air to protect itself from pollution. The body just takes in enough air to tick over.

The Effects of Shallow Breathing

1.Reduced vitality, since oxygen is essential for the production of energy in the body.
2.Increased disease. Our resistance to disease is reduced, since oxygen is essential for healthy cells. This means we catch more colds and develop other ailments more easily. Lack of sufficient oxygen to the cells is a major contributing factor in cancer, heart disease and strokes.

With our 'normal' sedentary way of living, we only use about one tenth of our total lung capacity. This is sufficient to survive and just tick over, but not sufficient for a high vitality level, long life and high resistance to disease. The ancient yogis knew the importance of correct breathing and developed techniques not only to increase health and life span, but also to attain superconscious states.

The Chinese have a saying, "The man who breathes to his toes will live to be 100 years old."

Exercise 2 – Breathing completely into the abdomen. Lie comfortably on the floor. Place your hands on your abdomen. Breath normally for a moment and see if you breath only into your chest or see if your belly rises with each breath. Spend a few minutes now breathing deeper, allowing the lungs to push down causing the diaphragm to drop and the belly to push up as you breath in. It should fee like a baloon expanding gently and then going down again. Breath into your belly then into your chest with each breath. This is the correct way to breathe. With practice it comes naturally, you'll be surprised how may don't do this already. We all far too concerned with holding our tummys in! How about you?

Importance of Breathing Through The Nose

The first rule for correct breathing is that we should breathe through the nose. This may seem obvious, but many people breathe principally through the mouth. Mouth breathing can adversely affect the development of the thyroid gland. It can retard the mental development of children. The nose has various defense mechanisms to prevent impurities and excessively cold air entering the body. At the entrance to the nose, a screen of hairs traps dust, tiny insects and other particles that may injure the lungs if you breathe through the mouth. After the entrance of the nose, there is a long winding passage lined with mucus membranes, where excessively cool air is warmed and very fine dust particles that escaped the hair screen are caught. Next, in the inner nose are glands which fight off any bacilli which have slipped through the other defenses. The inner nose also contains the olfactory organ-our sense of smell. This detects any poisonous gases around that may injure our health.

The yogis believe that the olfactory organ has another function: the absorption of prana from the air. If you breathe through the mouth all the time, as many people do, you are cheating yourself of all this free energy (prana). The yogis say this is a major factor in lowered resistance to disease and impairs the functioning of your vital glands and nervous system. Add to this the fact that pathogens can enter the lungs via mouth breathing, and you can see that it's impossible to be healthy, not to mention vital, if you breathe through the mouth. It is easy to break the habit of breathing through the mouth. Just keep your mouth closed and you will automatically breathe through your nose!

Exercise 3 – Breathing through the nose. First spend a few moments just breathing in and out through the mouth. Then breathe in throught the mouth and out throught the nose. See how that feels. Then spend a few moments breathing in throught the nose and out through the mouth. Now try breaathing in through the nose and out through the nose. Feel the different qualities in the breath.

"When the breath wanders the mind also is unsteady. But when the breath is calmed the mind too will be still, and the yogi achieves long life. Therefore, one should learn to control the breath." Hatha Yoga Pradipika

Try just for a few moments each day to bring awareness to your breath. In times of stress it will calm you, in times of depleated energy it will revive you and in times of unbalance it will bring you back to your centre.

The Dreadess xx

Thursday, 20 January 2011

Full Moon Magick

Last night the fullest of moons adorned a perfectly clear sky. I approached this full moon with more than my usual excitement and it was almost outwayed by my nerves. I led a group of women in my first Full Moon Meditation. It was a success. The connections were there and the Goddess guided my words. It bodes well for many more.

The Dreadess xx

Monday, 17 January 2011

Cave Girl by Mae West

I found this a while ago. The Goddess Mae West wrote this poem when she was a mere 15. One of her first solo acts was also "The Cave Girl", after the parting of the ways for her and her vaudeville husband Frank Wallace. Life often imitates art ... I wonder if she saw it coming. The poem is surprising for her age and definitely a glimpse of her ability to sum up her thoughts on life in wit and rhyme. I love it.

Cave Girl by Mae West aged 15

I got my smile from the sunshine.
I got my tears from the rain.
I learned to dance when I saw a tiger prance.
And a peacock taught me to be vain.
A little owl in a tree so high,
He taught me how to wink my eye.
I learned to bill and coo from a turtle dove.
And a grizzly bear taught me how to hug.
But the guy that lived two caves from me,
He taught me how to love.

The Dreadess xx

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Be Careful of What You Wish For

Each difficult situation in our lives is an opportunity to learn. We can choose to be beaten down by these times or use them to temper our metal in our personal trials by fire. I've always been beaten down to a certain extent, wallowed a little in my own misery, then somehow risen out of the ashes not so much a soaring phoenix, but at least a more determined, stronger, occasionally wiser, if a little battered version of me. I guess we can always choose the easy option and avoid our learning opportunities in preference to a smoother ride, but often life has a way of presenting the same obstacles in our path time and time again until we kind of get it.

Well anyway, my teacher told me recently that I would have to experience a certain type of challenging situation to walk further down the path I have chosen. I faltered at the thought of it, hesitant because this type of thing could cost me an easy life for a while, perhaps friendships, even though it was right for me to call the situation to me. Then I made up my mind, this was ultimately what I wanted and I had to trust, so I put it out to universe and called it in, what ever it turned out to be. I basically said go on then, bring it on.

Within two days the most almighty situation had blown up in exactly the way it was told I needed it to be to learn this one thing. It was a problem that had festered, but came to nothing for months and months and then within hours had escalated to one huge quagmire of people and fragile emotions. What followed was many, many sleepless nights, days and days of worrying and sorting, culminating in me making myself really ill and exhausted over it, then it was over.

I just hope that was it. I hope I handled it right. I hope I learned what I needed to learn and that there isn't more to come. Whatever I did or didn't learn though, I was sorely reminded of this ... be careful what you wish for, you just may get it by the bucket load!

Saturday, 8 January 2011

The Sniffing Of Things

I've always had a fairly good sense of smell which became even more so after I gave up smoking many, many moons ago, the day after I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I remember it hit me then how much more I could smell, unaware previously that it was deadened by bad habits.

In the past year it seems to have jumped up a notch again and I'm sensitive to smells that others can't detect or it takes a while for it to filter through to them. I've been noticing that different weathers have different smells and I don't just mean the smell you get after rain, I mean the smell before rain, the smell of sunshine, the smell of snow.

Anyway to get to where I'm going with this, I recently went for a mini wander at the edge of the wood alone on a dark moon. Because I was so visually impaired by the lack of light I found myself sniffing the air like an animal. Literally turning everywhich way and sniffing. I discovered that even turning my head just a few inches I could sense differences. It was like something switched on and my olfactory bulb went from 60 watts to 100 in an instant. I could smell individual trees, animals, the distant car fumes and unrecognisable smells. It was as though a whole new way of sensing my world had opened up. I could sense several smells at once almost like streams of different qualities. Like filtering out the separate smells that made up an overall composite one. So hard to put into words.

We rely so much on sight that I often think that our other senses are not as honed as they could be. We've all heard stories of people who can see colours through touch or use sonar location when vision is impaired, but it was as though for the first time I really understood in an experiential way that there is a whole other level to the senses we have. Visually I have learnt to see a little beyond what we think should be there or what we limit ourselves to seeing and I use intuitive sight but even that is very different to what I experienced with this heightenend sense of smell.

The weird thing is my brother had an amazing sense of smell when we were growing up. I remember when bags of clothes got handed on to us, as is the norm in the close religious community I grew up in, my mum would bring the bag home and he'd sniff it and tell her who it was from. He used to freak us out by being right every time, even though the freshly laundered hand me downs smelled of washing powder to us.

My son, like his uncle in lots of ways, also has an extreme sense of smell. Most children in the early years taste their world by putting everything in their mouth. Myster C sniffed everything and I mean everything. He could always tell which side of a glass you'd sipped out of. I even used to test him with tiny invisible dots of saliva on the side and he would sometimes even tell you what you ate half an hour ago if it was distinct like coffee, chocolate or garlic from the dots of nothing. He used to always make embarrassing comments about people's smells in supermarkets and on buses etc.

I get it now. I'm beginning to get an idea of what it must be like to have an awesome sense of smell. I understand why dogs want to just follow their noses. I went to the woods today and the smells were overwhelming. The smells of moss, rotting wood, undergrowth, bog, different trees and the air coming at me from all directions. It was exhillerating. I wanted to sniff everything, but held back because I wasn't alone on the walk. How could I explain that I wanted to put my face to the earth and breath deep. I managed the inside of a hollow tree at one point but it wasn't enough. I want more.

It's as though I can smell now a whole load of new things I've never really catalogued before. All these things must be sniffed and filed away. I have to confess that since I've been home alone tonight I've been indulging in the sniffing of things.

The Dreadess xx

Tuesday, 4 January 2011

Walking The Path Of Merlin

Towards the latter half of last year I was guided by a dream to approach a particular gifted shamanic teacher to ask about being initiated into the Path of Merlin. I had only met this woman once, briefly, but knew of her reputation. I had the profound initiatory dream the night before I was booked in to do a days meditation session with her. Imagine my discomfort as I had to explain my dream and that I felt compelled to ask her and no one else for help. I risked that she labelled me a deluded wanabe, but instead she calmly informed me that she had only just recently thought to take on an apprentice to certain teachings that I spoke of and that she had been putting together a course of sorts for a while. Over the next few weeks we both had a quick succession of signs, for me sometimes ludicrous unmissable signs, that I was to be that pupil and she my guide.

The weird thing was, I had no interest particularly in Merlin's way until my calling and had absolutely no idea that this Grandmother Wolf Watching I'd been directed to tell about that calling had researched any of it at all, but it turns out that a better teacher could not be asked for.

So on Sunday 2nd of January I began what will be more than a years worth of learning at the feet of an excellent teacher. What an amazing way to kick off a new year. The Merlin architype was a shaman, prophet and magician of the highest order and is known to be a hard taskmaster. I am under no illusions of the committment this will exact from me. My first day was a twelve hour stint of note taking, journeying, dreamworking and some interdimensional forest stomping. Even within that first day we discovered that I've been on this path for a long time, there were signs in childhood and forgotten memories are beginning to unfurl and their relevance understood. The Path of Merlin lies dormant in me and in my heart burn's the Dragon Fire. It is apparently about to be reawoken.

I'm so excited, I can't even begin to describe it. I see the worlds with eyes more open than they've ever been and yet again my Metamorphosis Road has just turned an exhillerating corner into a whole new landscape. I can't wait for my next meeting with my mentor but till then I have been set tasks to complete within a moon. So I best get to it then.

The Dreadess xx

Saturday, 1 January 2011

The Beginning Was A Long Time Ago But This Is The Beginning Of This Bit

Hello you wonderous being.

I'm delighted you decided to join me on my journey into love, light, glitter and magick. It's a brand new shiny year and here you are with me ...

... and here I am ... a multifaceted creature with many a hat to prove it. I wasn't born The Dreadess. That would have been a shock to my parents. No ... I "became" over time and I believe it is still somewhat unnerving to my nearest and dearest.

I am pretty comfortable in my many hats now. I find myself in an exciting and beautiful place in my life, but still working hard transforming my inner landscape. I am a home educating mother, a crafty creatrix, a poetess, a love n light worker, a philosophical ponderer, a magical manifester of fabric fancies, a shoeaholic with barefoot tendencies, a goddess, a mantra mutterer and an avid joss stick burner.

So that's it. That's who I am, all mixed in together and this blog will be too. A glorious muddle of wordery as it happens, as I remember it, as I see it, as I learn it and as I think it. I want to tell you about the fabulous times and the horrid times, the things that make me laugh and the things that make me cry, the people who inspire me, the things that make me healthier and happier and above all the things that make me dance with pure spiritual joy.

I hope you find a little resonance here and hopefully some inspiration.

Go on, take my hand, dance with me a while. Lets see how high we can kick our heels.

The Dreadess xx

P.S I dedicate my bloggery to my wonderful friends