Friday, 14 October 2016

I'm Still Under Construction ... Lots to See Here

Seriously ... this should be a blank post.  For the longest time it has been a draft of few words. I'm now writing it two years after the last one, as a fill in for not doing anything, well doing lots, but apparently not writing, at least not here.  Had a bit of a block with that one. I'd like to think I'm over it now.

It is odd that sometimes we doubt our own voice when we go through transition and great change.  As though we should be the finished article to matter or have worth somehow.  I think I may have been a bit in that space.  I have been under construction and I put up the red tape and stood with a loud hailer that said "move along now, nothing to see here".  But of course there was lots to see in truth.  I was busy doing and not so busy, just Being.  I had so much I wanted to say I had absolutely no idea where to start or how to roar.  I felt too vulnerable and yet too powerful,  I had nothing to say and yet everything to say.  I felt overwhelmed by the amount of things I actually wanted to comment on and offer, and yet underwhelmed by my ability to put it out there.  I'm sure now that the unblocking has happened and my fingers can tap away happily, like they do, connected and flowing with words from my mind and my heart and my womb, then I will find a way to say both the powerful everything and the meaningful not a lot.

The title of this blog was originally "Nothing to see here  ... I'm still under construction", but right about now ... I changed it, for who has not watched with growing anticipation a large building site. To see each small change and observe the process of Becoming with excitement.  I realised there has been lots to see.  And yes, like we all are, I am eternally under construction, deconstruction and more construction.

During this passing of time in which my blog has been a silent space, there have been many Red Tents, many sacred spaces, many connections with the land and her wisdom, many festivals, a few women's workshops, some exciting projects, lots of research and so much more, that right now I wouldn't know where to begin.  So with few words I will just offer you some photos instead, by way of catch up.


There has been time spent with my not-so-small-anymore boy and my girl's ever growing patch of snowdrops ...



There has been lots of fun times and nurturing days spent with my closest friends, my tribe ...





There was the arrival of Lilith, a rescued kitten, whose secret turned out to be kittens too ...





There was the breaking a bone in the other foot ...




I finished my Yoga Teacher Training ...





There was the epic week of August 2015 in which sixty women from fifteen countries descended on the New Forest, Stonehenge and Avebury to celebrate the Sacred Feminine with Miranda Gray in events I hosted ...




There have been the most wonderful ceremonies, a Naming, my dear friends' Handfasting and an Engagement ...






The has been Red Tent juiciness, out and about as well as in Southampton and the New Forest ...








There was the first print of my Red Thread Journal and the sales of my Red Tent Incense ...





There was the accepting, disclosing and understanding of my Aspie nature ... that process made me feel more raw, exposed and uncertain than usual and has in truth probably taken so much energy the past two years.  It is something that was flagged up as possible in early childhood and I've suspected as much for more than a decade ...




There was the strange day of somehow getting in the papers and being on TV with our message of love ...



There has been lots of quiet time and hugging Mother Earth ...





There has been the creation of two websites ... Womb Blessing UK, and The New Forest and Southampton Red Tent ...

And recordings of two of my poems and the start of a YouTube channel ...

And more recently my first proper video, like with my visible face talking and everything, for my online Red Tent circle ... I will venture out soon in to the wider world I promise.

So there it all is ... actually lots to see here and definitely very much still under construction, but please don't move along, I'd rather like it if you stayed around.

Heidi x



Handfasting photo courtesy of the awesome Glen Jevon